A Pet Octopus

I’ve decided I want a pet octopus.

Before I get into why, I feel I have to address something that has been bothering me lately.  The plural of octopus is not octopi.  People that say octopi are people who think they’re smart.  The plural of octopus is either octopuses (because we speak English) or octopod[e]s with or without the e.  The second pluralization takes into account that octopus is not a Latin 2nd declension noun, but rather a Scientific Latin 3rd declension noun.

Now for why I want a pet octopus:
First, octopodes are soooo cute!  Exhibit A –

Second, I’m going to name him D’Artagnan after the musketeer, because that is an awesome name for an octopus. Here is an octopus that I drew as a musketeer. (Note the feather in his cap.)

Third, octopodes have no kinesthetic sense. This means that if they can’t see their limbs, they have no idea what they’re doing. It’s like each arm has its own mind, because in invertebrates each limb practically does!

Fourth, octopodes are wicked smart.  Like really smart.  Octopodes, like the third cute one pictured in this post, have been known to use tools.  They also use their considerable intellect to do things like escape any kind of holding container.

What would an octopus do upon escaping an aquarium?  I mean, they require water so it couldn’t go far, and they’re really smart so surely they know that.  Maybe revenge?  Dramatic reenactment:

Maybe I don’t want a pet octopus.

Posted in Humor, Mostly Serious.

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