Those Who Can’t

I want to become a demotivational speaker.  The world is filled with those who can’t, and someone needs to tell them.

If you’ve watched day-time TV recently or browsed any major news outlet you’ve probably seen advertisements for a way to make “$16,000 a month working from home.”  As a demotivation speaker, it is my job to say, “No, stupid, you can’t make $16,000 a month working from home.”  And no, you won’t say “I can’t believe how easy it was” like the actress in the commercial.  Sure, a few people have made a lot of money working from home, but all of these people are smarter than you and they were lucky enough to get into the top rung of the pyramid scheme.  They made $16,000 a month from schmucks like you.  No, you can’t make $16,000 a month selling knickknacks to your friends — even if your friends are rich and gullible.

Speaking of day-time advertisements, the advertising company for J.G. Wentworth needs to be told they can’t make commercials.  They can’t do it.  They suck.  They’re seriously using a 30 year old movie as their reference.  What is up with that?  (Also, the people should be shouting, “It’s my money and I want 75% of it now.)

Same for Head-Ons advertising company.  Also the makers of Head-On.  “No, stupid, applying petroleum jelly to your forehead will not cure your headache.”

I just think the world would be a better place if people went to huge conventions to be told they can’t.

Posted in Humor, Instructional.

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