America — The Greatest Country on Earth

By now you’re probably aware of the government’s wide spread domestic spying.  (If not, look up NSA PRISM.  Spend some time going through the information.  I’ll wait.  Ok, ready to go on?  Great!)  So we live in a country that doesn’t trust it’s citizens with the essential freedoms promised to them by the 4th Amendment, and that despite listening in on millions of phone conversations totally missed the Boston bombers — who, quite frankly, were not that sophisticated.  Not only are we unable to keep promises but we’re incompetent.  It’s such a bad mix.

It really is like the government sat down and said, “Governing a country would be so awesome if it weren’t for all these darn citizens.”

But that’s ok.  U.S.A. is still the greatest nation on earth (that hates its citizens).  After all, I just discovered a pizza place near my house that will take a tray of breadsticks, lay a piece of bacon on top of each one, cover the whole thing in cheese, and deliver it at 3:00 am.  No seriously, they deliver until 3:00 am.  They also have a pizza that they cover in pepperoni’s then cube some more pepperoni and drop it on top.  How is that not the awesomest thing you’ve ever heard of?

As far as freedoms go, Americans have two essential and wonderful freedoms.

1) The right to bear arms and use those arms in robberies, murders, heists, school shootings, etc.


2) The right to eat 10,000 calories a day, bloat up to 600 pounds, then die grasping at their hearts but finding that they can really only reach as far as their shoulders.


Posted in Horror, Humor.

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