Buying a Vacuum

I recently bought a vacuum cleaner.  No biggy, it’s just that I ordered it online and am very excited for when it arrives in a few days.  

A vacuum cleaner is definitely a major purchase.  I spent $70 bucks on mine and definitely got one of the bottom tier models.  No self-retracting, 50 foot power cord on this puppy.  Likewise, no triple HEPA filtration system capable of removing pet dander from even the smallest of species and no patented “air typhoon” that serves not only to remove particulates from carpet, but also to separate them in the tank by mass.

Nope. This is just a run of the mill Bissell.

And it took me days to pick it out.  Oh, I’ve needed a vacuum since the day I moved, but it hasn’t been high on my priority list.  It jumped to number one after I spent a week laying in bed, hurting, and noticed the floor.  A couple months’ accumulation of dust bunnies, clothes and blanket fuzzes, and dead skin is no joking matter.  In my neglect, that carpet had gone from “off-white” to “very off-white.”

The first day I felt up to it, I hit the local Meijer to take a look at their selection.  I probably spent 45 minutes in the store that day, carefully lifting each model, debating if “air typhoon”, “raging cyclone”, and “dust devil” where really that much different from each other, and deciding whether or not 5 extra feet of cord was worth $50 extra dollars.

I also imagined myself with each one, pushing the unit over each square inch of my tiny one room apartment.  (That’s “one room” not “one bedroom.”  They call them “studios,” but that’s a bit of a euphemism, don’t you think?)

That probably sounds weird, a grown man testing vacuums, but I took a small level of happiness from it.  Maybe not from pushing around vacuums and imagining them running in my apartment, but from imagining all the dirt and accumulated grossness flying up into my own personal cleaning tornado — which I’m sure is the same thing as all of the formerly mentioned cleaning phenomenons.

I was thinking that buying a vacuum cleaner meant saying goodbye to the last of my childhood — stepping fully into adulthood — but I think an electricity powered tornado that destroys anything that gets in it’s path is a universal awesomeness.  Right? Please say I’m right.

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