Bacteria — The Chosen People

This may be a bit controversial, but I assure you it is completely scriptural.  Bacteria are God’s chosen people.  Yes, I know you probably thought it was either Israelites or the Church.  You’re mistaken.

Think about it.

Your body contains 100 trillion bacteria in your gut alone.  This is just the intestinal tract.  You also have bacteria on your skin, in your blood, and living on your hair follicles.  And you should be glad you do.  The human body doesn’t function quite right without them.  In fact, by pure numbers, you’re mostly bacteria.  100 trillion living bacteria in your gut.  Meanwhile, your entire body consists of about 10 trillion cells[1].  The bacteria are running the show.  In fact, one study suggests that a transplant of fecal bacteria from a health person of normal weight causes weight loss in an obese person.  (That last tidbit applies to mice in an initial test.  Don’t quote me until the scientists have finished doing their thing.)  Humans form their own biome.  Some bacteria appear to vital to the protection of the body from potentially harmful pathogens — other bacteria, toxins, and viruses.

The most important invention of the last 100 years, even more important than the computer, is antibiotics.  We spend more time competing with bacteria than we do struggling with any other creature on earth.  We have labs dedicated to the mass killing of bacteria.  We scrub with bleach and pour alcohol on our hands every time we use the bathroom.  Bacteria are our only competitor for top of the food-chain.  We eat them — they survive to eat us.

I just spent a great deal of time locked in mortal combat with a bacteria called C. Diff. that secretes a toxin that causes massive damage to intestinal walls.  The treatment was antibiotics, to kill the C. Diff., and a fungus called S. Boulardii to stop C. Diff.’s toxic secretions and heal the damage.  That’s right.  The treatment for bacterial infection includes more bacteria.

Now, let me explain why bacteria are God’s chosen species.  Doesn’t Paul talk about treating your body like a temple?  Now, temples don’t worship.  People inside temples worship.  Your “temple” is filled with over 100 trillion bacteria.  Your body is the temple where bacteria gather to worship.

Suddenly it all makes sense. 

Posted in Humor.

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