I know I promised to tell you about that time my wife, real-estate agent, and I found a corpse, but I need to build up to that. First, let me tell you about the squatter house. This place is enormous. 3,200 square feet split over two stories. It has a sun-room, double garage with workshop space, and a loft. The kitchen accounts for about a third of the downstairs, making it the largest entertaining area we had seen. This place was also a short walk from Geist Reservoir, Indianapolis’s equivalent of a posh neighborhood. Seriously, Geist has a sailing club and a yacht club. People here are under the delusion that Geist is a lake and not a glorified pond.
Which means that this 3,200 square foot house was on a 300k – 400k house. We have absolutely no business viewing a house that expensive. Fortunately for us, this one had been foreclosed on and the bank listed it at less than half the value of its neighbors.
Do you have any idea how much damage you have to do to a 300k house to knock it into our price range?
You’d have to take a hammer to the outside light fixtures. Which they did.
You’d have to use the family room as a smoking room for a five pack a day habit. Which they did. (They even left empties piled in the room to prove it.)
You’d have to flood the upstairs bathroom to the point it pours through the living room ceiling. Which they did.
You’d have to install tile that is too thick for any of the doors to open. Which they did.
Then you’d have to be living upstairs with your two kids in the house you were supposed to have vacated months ago, the one with the flooded living room, the broken light fixtures, the broken doors, and the unusable kitchen. Which they were.
Which is why we took a quick look then bolted.