Expensive Chocolate

Chocolate is one of those things that has fans.  And I mean real fanatics.  The snobby kind.  Chocolate is expensive because people will pay crazy amounts of money for it.

I once spent $400 on a bag of chocolate covered almonds from Menard’s.  And how was it? you ask.  I don’t know.  I didn’t get to eat it!

chocolateYou may have noticed something odd about the background of this photograph, so let me tell you the story of the $400 bag of Dark Chocolate Almonds.

It’s a Tuesday and I remember this because it’s the day I tutor and Marissa gets her hairs did.  I get home first because Marissa’s hair looks awesome and that takes time.

The house is totally trashed.  At some point in the last couple of hours the dog figured out that the pantry door was open and had — with undoubted glee — pulled down everything on the bottom couple of shelves.  He had eaten two bags of chips, a box of crackers, and about a pound of rice.  The rest of the five pound bag of rice had been thoroughly thrashed.  Rice, everywhere.  Big piles of it.  Rice in the vents on my computer.  Rice inside the TV.  Rice behind the bookcase and inside every book.

I grab him, drag him outside and start cleaning up.  About a half hour in, I discover an empty bag of dark chocolate almonds.  These weren’t with the other items spread out over my floor.  These were kept up higher (though apparently not high enough) behind some baking supplies.

Those of you who know me, know how bad I am in a high stress situations.  I immediately freak out and dial Marissa.  She doesn’t pick up.  I call again.  She doesn’t pick up.  I leave a message where in between sobs I say “You killed my dog!”  I call the vet.  They’re closed because it’s 9:30 PM.  I call the ASPCA.  They’re 24 hour poison helpline costs $60 dollars per call.  I hang up.

It’s about this time that Marissa  gets home.  Her hair looks great.  I tell her what happened and she suggests I call a 24/7 animal hospital.  I call them and the guy on the other end asks for some numbers about what was eaten and the size of the dog.  By now, Jack is acting oddly.  The guy comes back and tells me that I should bring the dog in because he’s had a dangerous dose of chocolate.

About 15 minutes later we’re inside the animal hospital trying to weigh Jack while Jack attempts to eat the empty bag of chocolate in my pocket.  We explain the situation and they take him into the other room to induce vomiting.  We sit there for awhile while Jack cries on the other side of the wall.  Then we hear him wretch and some poor vet’s technician on the other side of the wall exclaims, “That’s a lot of rice!”  followed shortly by “There is a whole chapstick in here!”

Jack came home that night looking completely wrecked, but I felt as bad as he did when I saw the bill — $400.

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